BE STILL

Be still , my little heart
do not trill, nor flutter
lest, as in angst you fret
over what you are yet to get
you cause ministering angels to falter
and my precious gift to scatter

Be still.

HURRY HOME

Hurry home

The night is ending
the morning is breaking
the mist is melting
the magic is fading

..my dream is changing..

hurry home

..keep me from waking..

Love Me Now

Love me now
While my heart still beats your name
And pounds at your embrace
For the days are short,
The night is long,
and we are but travelers in this land.

Love me now
while there's still sight in these eyes,
and beauty where they gaze
For the days are short,
The night is long,
and we are but travelers in this land.

Love me now
while my ears still awake at your call
and slumber to your whispers
For the days are short,
The night is long,
and we are but travelers in this land.

Love me now,
while strength still lies in my bones
and life springs from my flesh
For the days are short,
The night is long,
and we are but travelers in this land.

Love me
while the silver cord remains taut,
and the wheel is unbroken at the well,
before the pitcher is shattered,
and the grinding stone is stilled.

Love me
while the earth still gives forth,
and the waters can be tamed,
while divine wind still blows,
and stokes the mortal flame.

Love me now
while your scent is on my skin
and your kisses linger on my lips
while my heart is still yours,
and yours is still mine

Before we are gathered to our Father
and the dust claims its own..

For the days are short,
the night is long,
and we are but brief travelers in this land.

Love me now, my love,
Love me now.

True Love

If you saw true love
would you know it?

If you met true love
would you recognize it?

If you heard true love
would you heed it?

If you sensed true love,
would you believe it?

If it hid from you
would you seek it?
And if it ran from you
would you follow it?

If the pockets of your lover
had no contents to spill
would you turn them out
and scrub them still?

If he walked a kilometer
to bring you a cup of water
laid down his life for you
would you be saved by it?

If he carved out his rib
went down on bended knee, bleeding
would you accept it?
would you honor it,
treasure it?
Cleave to it?


If blood,sweat and tears
brought home sukuma wiki
would you cook it?
would your heart be in it?

Or would you scorn the simple meal
lay down to sleep and
dream of feasting with kings?

would you leave your queenly bed
for the king's concubines' harem?

If the one who's yours
had more bumps than curves
but hid a heart of gold
under an ankle-length frock
could you see it?

Or would she have
to show some thigh
or maybe tell a lie
so you could believe it?

If she stared in your eyes
let out a sigh
dreamed your dreams
and believed your lies
would you see it?

Would you ask for her hand
so you could keep it?
would you dress it with a band
so you could protect it?

would you do whats right,
and shield her from fright
or clench your fist
and raise it to fight?

And after many years
of her labor of love
when the seed you've sown
has sprung up and grown

would you see past her wrinkles
and see, maybe dimples?

could you turn your sights
from suggestive younger eyes
and honor her integrity
with your fidelity?


If you spied 'true love'
in the arms of another
would you put on a mask
and steal it?

Turn a blind eye
to a shining ring
under the cover of darkness
just to feel it?

Do you believe in 'The One'
enough to wait your turn
could you gather the courage
to leave it?


If i gave you true love
would you know it?
And if you felt it in return
would you show it?

If I planted a seed
would you grow it?
and if it gave us grain
would you store it?

Would you keep it for
the days of pain
when the sun will scorch
and there will be no rain?

and when that time comes
would you feed on it
hold on to what we have
till it pours again?

would you be able to see
that love is not the things
its made out to be?

that true love is simple
true love is free.
true love is complex
true love is expensive.
true love is easy
true love is a delight
true love is hard work
true love is sacrifice.

A woman's cry

Every morning I throw off the covers
get up and wash off my slackness
get out and face my mountains
get ready, be a big girl
get set, slay the giant
but tonight let me cry
let me be a little girl
let me sit down and cry


Let me sit and cry
over a brother's blood
split onto an unquenchable earth
by and uncaring soul
for the former the beginning of the end
for the latter, a means to an end
let me cry
over the injustice of it all
for it may drain out my grief
tomorrow I'll grow up
and take on the world
but tonight,
let me be a little girl
let me sit down and cry

Let me sit and cry
over a father's harshness
that cuts deeper than a sharpened sword
but hardly sees the wounded eyes
looking up for approval
let me cry
at the unfairness of it all
for it may dry up my sadness
tomorrow I'll grow up
and take on the world
but tonight,
let me be a little girl
let me sit down and cry

Let me sit and cry
over a lover's absence
that leaves me open
and lays bare my weakness
Let me cry
over the unfamiliarity of it all
for it may wash away my fear
tomorrow I'll grow up
and take on the world
but tonight,
let me be a little girl
let me sit down and cry

Let me sit and cry
over an unborn son
whose imminent arrival
will lead into uncharted waters
Let me cry
at the mystery of it all
for it may take away my uncertainty
tomorrow I'll grow up
and take on the world
but tonight,
let me be a little girl
let me sit down and cry

Every morning I throw off the covers
get up and wash off my slackness
get out and face my mountains
get ready, be a big girl
get set, slay the giant
but tonight let me cry
let me be a little girl
let me sit down and cry

If I could, I would...

If I could, I would...


If i could pull back the veil of time
and step out into the mists of the past
Beyond the borders of uncertainty
and fences of imagined disasters
I would


clasp your hand tighter,
hang on to your every word,
tell you what was on my mind
show you what i hid in my heart

Savour the laughter,
reveal the tears,

hold you closer,

love you longer,

deeper.

..If I could, I would.

VISITING HOURS

VISITING HOURS


It is only the second time in my memory that my mum had been admitted to hospital - the first time having been occasioned by the birth of my younger sister. I am anxious to see her and it seems to me that the matatu driver is proceeding at a deliberately slow pace. However, he eventually deposits me at the entrance to the hospital, and then drives off in sudden haste.

Walking through the long, wide corridors leading to the female ward, it strikes me just how uncannily similar all hospitals seem- the omnipresent smell of disinfectant hanging in the air, pastel colored walls and terrazzo floors that had been scrubbed and trodden to a dangerously smooth finish.

I approach the nurses clustered together at the entrance to the ward. They glance at me in a disinterested fashion and swiftly dismiss me with just a glance, returning to their apparently riveting chit- chat. I’m forced to hover about, unsure of where to go next, until a uniformed female G4S security guard comes to my rescue with the appropriate directions.

“Visiting hours are almost over, you have only 15 minutes” She politely reminds me. As I walk away, I ponder at how odd a uniformed guard looks in a place full of people confined to their beds by one illness or the other. Is she meant to keep mischievous patients in or unwanted visitors out?

Bed number six happens to be the first in that particular section screened off from the corridor with a curtain. My mum is seated on the side of her bed, watching the going-on in the ward.

“Sasa Mami.”

Her face breaks into a smile of pleasant surprise. She wasn’t expecting me.

I settle next to her as we exchange pleasantries. She’s feeling fine and is not in pain. My dad had just left, after keeping her company since she had been admitted that afternoon. The operation is scheduled for the next day and she has been put on medication in preparation.

“Are you nervous?” I ask her.

She hesitates for just a moment.

“A little.” she admits with a shy smile. I catch a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes as I contemplate her words.

A stocky nurse with a face of granite interrupts our conversation to bring my mum some medication. She shoots dagger-eyes at me, seated on the patient’s bed, and I hastily scramble from my comfortable perch. The hospital not having seen it necessary to provide a visitors’ seat, I stand awkwardly at the side of the bed as ‘sister’ plumps up the pillows. She then leaves, after icily informing the patient that the doctor will be by to see her shortly. The patient and I breathe a sigh of relief.

“I don’t think she likes visitors sitting on the bed.” My mum comments with a wry smile. Tell me about it.

By now the ward is full of animated conversations, albeit in muted tones, as the patients and their families and friends catch up on the latest happenings in their respective lives. Opposite us, a young man stands at the every edge of the small crowd of visitors surrounding the patient’s bed. He seems restless and detached from the group, as if wishing the visit was already over. A draft of cold air blows in from the open windows and as my mum reaches for her sweater, I suddenly notice the thinness of the standard issue hospital blanket. Clearly, it was not designed with comfort in mind.

Shortly, the ever- helpful G4S guard walks in and proceeds to remind each patient and her visitors that time is up. The young man at the opposite end of the room seems to come to life.

I am forced to conclude my visit, though I am not yet ready to leave. The thought of leaving my mum ’alone’ in this clinically charmless and foreign place to face the surgeon’s knife has me feeling more than a little jittery. I enquire on whether she has everything she needs. Yes, she says, although she could use some reading material. I promise to bring her some magazines on my next visit, but somehow, that doesn’t sound good enough.

The goodbyes don’t come easily. We’re both unsettled…what to do?

Throwing all caution against ‘sister granite’ to the wind, I sit beside her on the bed, put my right arm over her shoulders and take her left hand in mine.

‘Mami, let’s pray”.

She looks at me with surprise, as we have never done this before, but humbly complies. As we bow our heads, I notice ‘Madame G4S’ who had undoubtedly been on her way to throw me out, beating a hasty and respectful retreat.

And as I proceed to present my earthly mother to my heavenly Father, I suddenly become aware of how small and fragile she seems, in the striped hospital pajamas. This gentle, sweet lady who gave me life is now in a situation of need. And as we pray, I’m overwhelmed by a sense of compassion.

Afterward, I notice that the uncertainty in her eyes has been replaced with a calm confidence.
‘Thank you for visiting, Muthoni. And for the prayer. Its the first I’ve had” She says.

I bid her goodnight and walk away, my heart feeling much lighter.

Waiting for a matatu in the dark outside the hospital,I ponder the events of the night and am amazed at the changing seasons of life. Life does indeed come full circle. I wonder whether my mum had realized that tonight, the seasons of life had changed, for both of us.. For as I prayed for her that night, I had the eerie feeling that I was praying for my daughter.